I've had a lot on my mind over these past few weeks. I've been working hard, trying to make sure I'm covering all of my "business" ventures but I keep feeling like I'm drowning. See, I have to purchase this and that (ie business license, etc.) but with what money? My clients keep canceling so obviously I'm doing something wrong, but what??? And now, I fear that two more clients are going to cancel because I haven't heard back from them for over a week concerning the contracts I sent. (And the contracts stated all the things we had covered and agreed upon.) So what am I missing? Personality? Small feet? I just don't know!
So now I keep having to face each day, working from my home, wishing I were around people. I keep contemplating getting a part time job but where? Reedley is not really full of fruitful businesses to work for a few hours a week. Volunteering? Definitely a possibility but again, the question of where?
I feel vulnerable, nervous, sick to my stomach when I think of the money that I so willingly borrowed and now owe back (plus interest). What's gonna happen? I just don't know.
Thankfully, the Lord ALWAYS provides. Right now I feel in a dark place and I feel alone but I keep having to remind myself that I'm not actually alone, someone is there with me while I roam around in this darkness. And light will be at the end of the tunnel and all of the unknowns will fall into place... always does.
So through this I praise God! I praise Him for these struggles, for the unknown, for the trials, for the lack of money and the need for it in order to accomplish all this business stuff, and I simply praise Him for creating me, loving me, dying for me, and allowing me to call Him Father.